Failing Mommy

Days at home = 3

Showers = 2  

Successes = 1

Failures = 3

It's day 3 at home with Louis.  I'm guessing showers are going to be hard to come by unless I want to sacrifice some of my precious hours in the day.  I'm just SLOW at getting ready.  Ugh.

Since Louis naps anywhere from noon to 4pm my mornings are the time we can leave the house.  Monday was an errand day.  Tuesday we walked to Red Box to return a movie and today we had a playdate.

MONDAY

Not-So-Clean House

Monday I didn't wake up bright and cheery to send Joe off with a kiss and healthy lunch.  Nope.  Instead, Joe gave Louie to me in bed & I tried to get him to go back to sleep.  He kind of slept but I started to panic that I was sleeping in too long and ruining our lives so I got up at 8:30.  Louie's first question to me was, "Dad?".  I guess he isn't used to being home with just me or getting left behind by Joe.  I had grand plans to return some things and go to the grocery store by noon.  Well, I didn't even get out of the door until 11:30.  I blame the shower and make-up for this.  By the time we headed out it was nearing nap and lunch time.  I was pretty worried about Louie having a fit in the store but he did pretty well all thanks to my Ergo Baby carrier.  Man, I love that thing.  He kept asking about "dad" all day but when we got into Whole Foods he started screaming, "Dad!  Da-Ad!?"  Apparently Louis also associates Joe with the grocery store.  We got home and he took a good nap so I worked on planting my veggie garden.  I thought it was a pretty successful day except when Joe got home the house looked like a disaster.  Joe even seemed surprised when he saw the place.  I guess he was secretly having some fantasy about a perfect house-wife.  Whoops.

TUESDAY

Tuesday started out pretty similar but I failed to take our movie back the day before (another failure) so I made my morning goal a walk to the Red Box.  I did not shower this day but somehow ended up behind again.  I didn't think my non-shower look would matter until I got to UMKC where the Red Box is and remembered I was walking through a college campus.  Embarrassing.  Even the construction guys were more interested in honking at Louie than whistling at me.  Louis enjoyed the walk and the weather was beautiful.  I have to admit thinking THIS is the life!!  We played with whirly birds before lunch which he loved.  His afternoon nap wasn't as long so he helped me with the garden.  He was really good at stepping around my plantings but he put at least three rocks in his mouth.  SICK.  I'm so paranoid that he is going to get those worms that lay eggs in the dirt.  I really don't think I can handle something like that.  But I try to be calm and have him spit out the dirt.  He also found a few worms which freaked him out.  He loves to hate them.

WEDNESDAY

 Today might have been my biggest failure.  I've got to keep up a social life and was invited to a play-date at 10am.  Louis got me up at 7:30 so I figured I had plenty of time to get to the park.
It never
works that way for me.  I really can't say where the time went but I didn't get in the shower until after 9.   The park is also about 30 minutes from my house so I'm already late.  I rush out the door at 10:15 forgetting my sunglasses, coffee, wedding ring and somehow my contacts have decided to scratch my eyes out so I can barely keep both open for my drive.  I look down and see the gas light so I stop for Kansas gas.  This is ones of Joe's biggest pet peeves because gas is cheaper in Missouri.  So with the extra $1.50 for the late movie and this gas trip, I've already blown our new budget.  FAILED.  I fill up with expensive gas and somehow get it on my hands.  AAHHHH.  I arrive to the park 48 minutes late.  My bff Hayley can stay for a while but it's my first play-date with Liz and she has to leave by 11.  FAILED.  Oh well, there's always next time, right?  I hope.  Louie had been SO excited too.  This is where it's handy to have a kid who can't tell time yet.  He still had a good time with Aiden and got to see Drew & baby Benjamin for about 10 minutes.  He immediately started climbing the curved ladder up to the slide.  He is such a monkey!

He took a great nap after the excitement from the park so I was able to finish the garden.  SUCCESS!  I'll post all about it later this week.  Nana came over after work so he gave her a garden tour and we ended the night with a short walk.

A lot of people have been asking me how it's going.  It feels really, really weird so far.  Sort of like I'm just on vacation and have to go back to work next week.  I can't wrap my head around how much time I have now.  I keep thinking I've got to GO, GO, GO and that I've got limited time to get anything done.  I had a nightmare last night that I forgot to get to work and I hadn't really quit yet.  I do feel I've made the right decision and feel lucky to have the option to stay home.  I've realized since having Louis that it's HARD being a mom because of the new decisions that have to be made and feeling like I'm torn between two different Megan's.  I think, like any other mom, I just want to do what is best for Louis.  I've heard my mom tell my brothers, "If you do what is best for your baby, you will do what is best for you."  I get it now and that "best" is personal and different for all moms.  Overall, it is amazing, fulfilling and scary at once but I feel lucky to have a "Mommy Job".

Wish me luck being on time for our next outings!